Fresh starts are rarely fresh. We spend ample amounts of time considering, planning, doubting, adjusting, and boasting about "new" good intentions. New Year's Resolutions are a prime example. Every year after Christmas people take a hard look at everything wrong in life and convince themselves that, this year, it is going to be different. Yet--and I know I'm not telling anyone anything new--we typically fail, accept failure, and put it off until next year. Recycling through resolutions or fresh starts makes them a bit sour, don't you think? The process is always the same and that's hardly fresh.
So, if years of observation and experience tell me that I'm destined to fail, how am I ever going to get anywhere? I'll be the first to admit that I've already gone back on some of my resolutions, some as early as New Year's Day. Easy ones, too. I often wonder to myself, "What is the secret?" The answer, as I see it, is painfully obvious. It's also just downright painful:
Willpower.
Yes, the thought of willpower solving all of my problems is painful. I'm an advocate of bare minimum, last minute, half assed success. I know how to manipulate my way to looking like I'm doing a good job. I always, always ask myself, "Why do it the legit way when there's an much easier way?" I am more than capable of getting straight A's, but by sacrificing a measly letter grade I can do substantially less work. B's aren't bad, right? What gets me is the fact that I know that I am more than capable, yet I would rather find ways to do less instead of just doing what I am supposed to do. My free time is often abundant and, though I always look forward to it when I am actually doing work, free time gets old fast. My point in all of this is that right now dangling in front of me is an opportunity to get myself together and work on this whole "willpower" thing.
School starts tomorrow...
I've set myself up, too. My schedule is such that I either suck it up and put in the necessary work or I have a nervous breakdown attempting to figure out how to wing it without flunking out of school. I'm taking all upper division major courses, two of which are 4 unit math classes. Starting tomorrow I'll also be running around like a chicken with it's head cut off trying to add an additional major, get my unit cap lifted from 19 to 21 (when 15 is full time), and crash an already full class in a topic I have little knowledge about just because double majoring could potentially get me better jobs in the future. BALLS TO ME!
I have a plan. This blog is called "Yasmine Attempts..." because, this year, I have to change my game. Here's to successful attempts at growing up. Cheers~!
